lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
