kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
