whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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