I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize