Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I believe in your delicious
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
