to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
