i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
