i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Randomize
