census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
