So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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