my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
