I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
