I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
