I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
