I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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