a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Operation Purity has been aborted
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
