You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it hurts more in the daytime
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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