Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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