We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
