i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
