are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
