On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
