A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
