If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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