i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
