Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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