And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
