I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
