Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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