She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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