dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
