I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
