Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
