it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
