i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
