Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize