dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
