mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
