I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
