can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
