OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
