with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
