How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
