hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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