The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
