Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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