Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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