I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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