It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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