Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
