That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
