batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
