Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
