No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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