Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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