Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
