I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
