Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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