mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
