i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
