just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
