We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
