I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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