so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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