Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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