I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
