I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
