smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
