Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
