I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
