some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
