i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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