oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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