careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
