so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize