I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
